Thursday, January 10, 2008

New Family???

Why is it on some days you wake up and think you really wish you could trade your family in for another one who didn't cause so much worry and stress? I thought I really wanted to do that today but thought it would be luck I would get another family that had worse problems than my own. :)

The things I learned today really opened my eyes of being a mom and made me wonder what did I miss and when did I miss it. I just found out that my oldest who is now 25 years old loves art museums. Where did I miss that when she was growing up? I love art museums but never had anyone to go to them with me until today. I was thrilled to learn this but still puzzled of where I missed this small bit of knowledge I feel like I should have learned about my daughter as she was growing up at home. She never really cared to paint, draw, color or anything so I guess I just took it she didn't like art.

Then my youngest who is now 21 and thinks she can make her own decisions, which she can but she doesn't understand that when those decisions require help from her family that her decisions should be made with that person she is relying on to help her. She is the drama queen in the family and also the one who has expensive taste, which makes me think AGAIN where did I miss that bit of knowledge and could I have changed that when she was younger.

Today has been a day of questioning was I really as good of a mom as I think I was or am. I know my girls know I love them but then again when I told my 25-year-old tonight that I loved her on IM, it hit me, when was the last time I told her that and to be honest, I can't remember! She is going through a time right now in her life that I think she needs to hear that and that alone makes me wonder again, if I would have been telling her that I love her every day, would that have changed what she is going through right now. The 21-year-old thinks getting free furniture that is used from someone is the most awful thing in the world. She sees this as they are getting rid of it for a reason, which they are, they are getting tired of it and are getting new furniture. She didn't want a used washer because again the person getting rid of it is getting rid of it for a reason! She would rather have brand new furniture that she will move around for the next who knows how many years over something nice and used that if it gets torn or broken in a move it won't matter. Where she got this expensive taste, I honest cannot tell you. Again, if when she was growing up if I would have made her wear hand-me-downs of her sister's would this have all been different?

I am lost on where I went wrong or if I really did. I know they both know I love them and will always be there for them when they need me, so maybe that is all that matters. I don't know. Can I have a new family? Better yet maybe I had better stick with mine because I don't think my heart could handle it if one of them was suddenly not there.

Friday, January 4, 2008

A New Year

Someone asked me today what my New Year's Resolutions were and it stopped me in my tracks. I had to think about this for awhile and discovered that I have never been one to make resolutions at the beginning of a new year. I just go with life and change things as I see fit to do so when the time comes. Year before last in 2006 in October I decided to lose weight. Now everyone would have thought I was crazy and some said I was because the holidays were coming up and that would be the worst time to be losing weight. Well, I didn't care, I did it anyway and lost weight even during the holidays and eating my mom's famous chocolate chip cookies. I carried that over into 2007 and by April I had lost 40 pounds (still need to go about 20 more). I have organized my life in the middle of the year and kept it that way for a long time now. I do things on a whim or when I think I want to do it, not at the beginning of a new year. I guess that is just me flying by the seat of my britches as my dad always said. :) But again I thought about this resolution thing and thought hmmm, maybe I should give it a try and see what happens. It took me a long time to come up with something but I did.

This year I want to manage my time more so I have more time to sew and make more quilts. This will be hard for me because I work at home and my 'office' is in the corner of my sewing room. When I get done with work the last place I want to be is in this room where my sewing machine is because when I come in here I sit down at the computer first thing and it never fails I find something to either work on or email someone back. Work, work, work! I need to find that fine line and draw it between work and sewing.

Another thing I thought about changing was making sure I get fully dressed before work every day. Now that sounds like I sit here half naked working, but I don't. LOL I am lucky enough to work at home so I can wear anything to work in and on cold winter days I choose to wear flannel pj pants and a sweatshirt with my fuzzy houseshoes. I feel like I should probably actually get 'dressed' for the day but why, I work at home and no one sees me but the dogs and hubby when he comes in at night and he doesn't seem to mind that I know of. Now I do take a shower every morning, dry my hair and curl it and put make up on so I am very presentable all day in case someone shows up at the house. So I'm thinking this resolution has already been broken before it was even tried.

After thinking on those two things, I got tired of thinking and I think my resolution will be just to be myself throughout the year, change things as I see fit when they need to be changed, and just enjoy life as it comes to me. I am very blessed with a great husband and two great grown daughters plus I get to work in flannel pants and sweatshirts. I am going to try to make more time to sew and make more quilts, but overall my New Year's Resolution is just to continue being me as I know that one will never get broken or forgotten on the back burner somewhere.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

12 Days without Electric

Some of you know that we were hit by the ice storm in Oklahoma and were without power for 12 days. I tried my best to find the humor in the whole ordeal but after day 2 that was tough to do! I put together a little 12 Days Before Christmas that really can't be sung to 12 Days of Christmas but you can try if you so desire. It sort of helped me take my mind off of sitting in the dark freezing by the fireplace. Here it is:

12 Days before Christmas

12 days of without power and freezing at night!

11 trees with broken branches (really there are so much more than 11)

10 glasses of ice tea (found a new coffee shop that has the best sweet ice tea in town!)

9 phone calls to the electric company (they got tired of hearing from me)

8 loads of firewood (well there was actually more but I had to fill in this number)

7 quilts to stay warm under (not counting the blankets and sheets!)

6 days without internet (before the generator came into our lives)

5 days of eating Taco Bell (or rather Taco Hell! Not too many places in town to choose from to eat)

4 huge tree branches falling on the house (this was scarey!)

3 gas cans that have to be filled up twice a day (this was expensive!)

2 heat lamps that are out for the puppies to stay warm with

1 Generator (that saved us from freezing to death but came too late to save the food in the fridge or freezer)
Just had to share my little diddy that really doesn't mean much but boy do I NEVER want to go through that again!

What am I doing!?

Okay thought writing a blog about my life and what all is going on with it would be sort of fun, but now that I have sat down to do it, I'm not so sure. The words come when I'm thinking about writing but when I sit down to write, they seem to disappear. It is like my brain just shuts down or gets scared to let those thoughts out. Maybe if I write more, the easier it will come and those thoughts and ideas will flow more freely. Wish me luck and hopefully you will see more of my blogging as the days go by. You will probably read about my quilting, my dogs, my girls, my new found love of knitting, and possibly just about my life in general because sometimes it can get pretty funny. I will be adding pictures as I go for all to see but for now I just have to get used to how this blogging thing goes and what all I can do on here. Wish me luck and hope to have several of you reading my blogs as I go.