Why is it on some days you wake up and think you really wish you could trade your family in for another one who didn't cause so much worry and stress? I thought I really wanted to do that today but thought it would be luck I would get another family that had worse problems than my own. :)
The things I learned today really opened my eyes of being a mom and made me wonder what did I miss and when did I miss it. I just found out that my oldest who is now 25 years old loves art museums. Where did I miss that when she was growing up? I love art museums but never had anyone to go to them with me until today. I was thrilled to learn this but still puzzled of where I missed this small bit of knowledge I feel like I should have learned about my daughter as she was growing up at home. She never really cared to paint, draw, color or anything so I guess I just took it she didn't like art.
Then my youngest who is now 21 and thinks she can make her own decisions, which she can but she doesn't understand that when those decisions require help from her family that her decisions should be made with that person she is relying on to help her. She is the drama queen in the family and also the one who has expensive taste, which makes me think AGAIN where did I miss that bit of knowledge and could I have changed that when she was younger.
Today has been a day of questioning was I really as good of a mom as I think I was or am. I know my girls know I love them but then again when I told my 25-year-old tonight that I loved her on IM, it hit me, when was the last time I told her that and to be honest, I can't remember! She is going through a time right now in her life that I think she needs to hear that and that alone makes me wonder again, if I would have been telling her that I love her every day, would that have changed what she is going through right now. The 21-year-old thinks getting free furniture that is used from someone is the most awful thing in the world. She sees this as they are getting rid of it for a reason, which they are, they are getting tired of it and are getting new furniture. She didn't want a used washer because again the person getting rid of it is getting rid of it for a reason! She would rather have brand new furniture that she will move around for the next who knows how many years over something nice and used that if it gets torn or broken in a move it won't matter. Where she got this expensive taste, I honest cannot tell you. Again, if when she was growing up if I would have made her wear hand-me-downs of her sister's would this have all been different?
I am lost on where I went wrong or if I really did. I know they both know I love them and will always be there for them when they need me, so maybe that is all that matters. I don't know. Can I have a new family? Better yet maybe I had better stick with mine because I don't think my heart could handle it if one of them was suddenly not there.